Shit Happens

Protestantism

If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!

Catholicism

If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you'll die shit.

Lutheranism

Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Judaism

Why does shit always happen to US?
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?

Islam

If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
We don't take any shit.

Buddhism

If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.