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One-Liners of Women for Men

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.

Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.

Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.

Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here".

Q: Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?
A: Her navel.

Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What's a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

Q: Why do women have tits?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

Q: What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
A: Money.

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: Why do women have periods?
A: They deserve them.

Q: Why did God make man first?
A: He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.

Q: Why was the woman crossing the road?
A: Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen anyway?

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 5 years your job will still suck.

Q: Why can't you trust woman?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.


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