Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
- White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
- Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)
- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
- Texas executes last remaining citizen.
- Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes before installation is completed.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.