Actual Newspaper Headlines

Published on Mon 18 October 1999

  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
  • Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
  • Farmer Bill Dies in House.
  • Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
  • Stud Tires Out.
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
  • British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands.
  • Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms.
  • Eye Drops off Shelf.
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids.
  • Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead.
  • Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim.
  • Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66.
  • Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax.
  • Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told.
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
  • Stolen Painting Found by Tree.
  • Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies.
  • Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years.
  • Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One.
  • Drunken Drivers Paid $1000.
  • `84 War Dims Hope for Peace.
  • If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While.
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
  • Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.
  • Deer Kill 17,000.
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
  • Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge.
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.
  • Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy.
  • Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire.
  • British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply.
  • Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood.
  • Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees.
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
  • New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.
  • Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing.
  • Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing.
  • Air Head Fired.
  • Steals Clock, Faces Time.
  • Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff.
  • Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni.
  • Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board.
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
  • Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction.
  • Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training.
  • Include your Children when Baking Cookies.

This joke was tagged #english

 

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