Screwing Light Bulps
Published on Fri 10 December 1999
Q: How many men do you need to screw on a light bulp?
A: One. They'll screw anything.
Q: How many Finns does it take to change a light bulp?
A: Unknown, becouse when Finns notice that the light bulp is made of glass and that it has threads they spend the entire night trying to fix it!
Q: How many software pirates does it take to change a light bulp?
A: 3, first one gets as new a light bulp as possible, the second changes it and the third one codes an intro that says what they just achieved.
Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulp?
A: One. Bono holds up the light bulp, and the universe revolves around his ass.
Q: How many Lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulp?
A: 50 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better."
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulp?
A: They have a machine that does that now.
Q: How many Filipinoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We don't know. The new bulb keeps getting shot at the airport.
Q: How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It's a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just fine.
Q: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
A2: Two, one to give the order that the bulb be changed and one to screw it in.
A3: None. They assign the task to a gastarbeiter.
Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don't need to, they glow in the dark.
Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't bother. They just change the standard to darkness. (Continuation: Of course, the darkness isn't yet complete in version 1.0, but Microsoft promises that in the next release it will be.)
Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the t-shirts.
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but why bother? Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a light bulb
A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was just as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.
Q: How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution. Did you try rebooting with extensions off?
A2: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.
A3: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.
A4: Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.
A5: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup. Farm.
Q: How many Newton users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.