Personal Ad Translations

A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds.

Code Word: 40-ish

Really Means: 48

Code Word: Adventurous

Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

Code Word: Affectionate

Really Means: Possessive

Code Word: Artist

Really Means: Unreliable

Code Word: Athletic

Really Means: Flat chested

Code Word: Average looking

Really Means: Ugly

Code Word: Beautiful

Really Means: Pathological liar

Code Word: Commitment-minded

Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!

Code Word: Communication important

Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise

Code Word: Contagious Smile

Really Means: Bring your penicillin

Code Word: Educated

Really Means: College dropout

Code Word: Emotionally Secure

Really Means: Medicated

Code Word: Employed

Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

Code Word: Enjoys art and opera

Really Means: Snob

Code Word: Enjoys Nature

Really Means: Bring your own granola

Code Word: Exotic Beauty

Really Means: Would frighten a Martian

Code Word: Feminist

Really Means: Fat; ball buster

Code Word: Financially Secure

Really Means: One paycheck from the street

Code Word: Free spirit

Really Means: Substance user

Code Word: Friendship first

Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

Code Word: Fun

Really Means: Annoying

Code Word: Gentle

Really Means: Comatose

Code Word: Good Listener

Really Means: Borderline Autistic

Code Word: Humorous

Really Means: Caustic

Code Word: Intuitive

Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count

Code Word: In Transition

Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

Code Word: Light drinker

Really Means: Lush

Code Word: Looks younger

Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light

Code Word: Loves Travel

Really Means: If you're paying

Code Word: Loves Animals

Really Means: Cat lady

Code Word: Mature

Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did

Code Word: New-Age

Really Means: All body hair, all the time

Code Word: Non-tradional

Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

Code Word: Old-fashioned

Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only

Code Word: Open-minded

Really Means: Desperate

Code Word: Outgoing

Really Means: Loud

Code Word: Passionate

Really Means: Loud

Code Word: Petite

Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins

Code Word: Poet

Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic

Code Word: Professional

Really Means: Bitch

Code Word: Redhead

Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

Code Word: Reliable

Really Means: Frumpy

Code Word: Reubenesque

Really Means: Grossly Fat

Code Word: Romantic

Really Means: Looks better by candle light

Code Word: Self-employed

Really Means: Jobless

Code Word: Smart

Really Means: Insipid

Code Word: Special

Really Means: Road the short schoolbus

Code Word: Spiritual

Really Means: Involved with a cult

Code Word: Stable

Really Means: Boring

Code Word: Tall, thin

Really Means: Anorexic

Code Word: Tan

Really Means: Wrinkled

Code Word: Voluptuous

Really Means: Very Fat

Code Word: Weight proportional to height

Really Means: Hugely Fat

Code Word: Wants Soulmate

Really Means: One step away from stalking

Code Word: Widow

Really Means: Nagged first husband to death

Code Word: Writer

Really Means: Pompous

Code Word: Young at heart

Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie