Been in Finland Too Long?

Published on Sun 12 September 1999

You know you have been in Finland too long, when...

  1. You rummage through your plastic bag collection to see which ones you should keep to take to the store and which can be sacrificed to garbage.
  2. As you walk past the Parliament Building in Helsinki, and see the statue titled "Svinhufvud" you no longer read it as "Swinehead"... instead you think "What a good Swedish name!"
  3. When a stranger on the street smiles at you:
    • you assume he is drunk
    • he is insane
    • he's an American
  4. You don't think twice about putting the wet dishes away in the cupboard to dry.
  5. A friend asks about your holiday plans and you answer "Oh, I'm going to Europe!" meaning any other Western European country outside Scandinavia.
  6. You no longer scrunch up or fold your paper money. You always put your money in your wallet.
  7. You see a student taking a front row seat and wonder "Who does he think he is?!"
  8. Silence is fun.
  9. The reason you take the ferry to Stockholm is:
    • duty free voldka
    • duty free beer
    • to party heartly... no need to get off the boat in Stockholm, just turn around and do it again on the way back to Finland
  10. Your coffee consumption exceeds 6 cups a day and coffee is too weak if there is less than 10 scoops per pot.
  11. You pass a grocery store and think "Wow, it is open, I had better go in and buy something!"
  12. Your native language has seriously deteriorated, now you begin to "eat medicine", "open the television", "close the lights off", and tell someone "you needen't to!" Expressions like "Don't panic" creep into your everyday language.
  13. You associate pea soup with Thursday.
  14. Your idea of unforgivable behavior now includes walking across the street when the light is red and there is no WALK symbol, even though there are no cars in sight.
  15. Your notion of streetlife is reduced to the few teenagers hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nigts.
  16. Your bad mood becomes your good mood.
  17. Sundays no longer seem dull with all the stores closed, and begin to feel restful instead.
  18. "No comment" becomes a conversation strategy.
  19. You finally stop asking your class "Are there any questions?"
  20. The fact that all of the v's and the w's are together in the phone directory seems right.
  21. Your old habit of being "Fashionably late" is no longer acceptable. You are always on time.
  22. Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.
  23. You begin to understand Jussi Jyylanpaarvi's broadcast of the hockey game.
  24. You refuse to wear a hat, even in -30 degree weather.
  25. You hear loud-talking passengers on the train. You immediately assume:
    • they are drunk
    • the are Swedish-speaking
    • they are American
    • all of the above
  26. You give up on trying to find fat-free food and pile on the butter, cream and sugar.
  27. You know how to fix herring in 105 different ways.
  28. You eat herring in 105 ways.
  29. You no longer look at sports pants as casual wear, but recognize them as semi-formal wear.
  30. You can now reconstruct the missing letters on a building. For example MERI.........LIITTO OY.
  31. You have undergone a transformation:
    • you accept mustamakkara (Black-blood sausage) as food
    • you accept alcohol as food
    • you accept
  32. You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.
  33. You no longer have to search for the flushing mechanism.
  34. You no longer see any problem wearing white socks with loafers.
  35. You no longer correct people who say MAC Donald's.
  36. You just love Jaffa.
  37. You've come to expect Sunday morning sidewalk vomit dodging.
  38. You know that "religious holiday" means "let's get pissed."
  39. You enjoy salmiakki.
  40. You know that "men's public bathroom" is another phrase for sidewalk.
  41. You know that more than three channels means cable.
  42. You get all the Swedish jokes.
  43. When you're hungry you can peel a boiled potato like lightning.
  44. You've become lactose intolerant.
  45. You accept that 80 degrees centigrade in a sauna is chilly, but 20 degrees centigrade outside is freaking hot.
  46. You can't understand why people live anywhere but in Finland!!!

This joke was tagged #english